Off Beat Stories

Category: Satire (page 1 of 3)

“मुग़ले आज़म से साक्षात्कार”

मुग़ले आज़म से साक्षात्कार………..

बिहार विधान सभा चुनाव पर एक और व्यंग !!!

मेरी समझ में नहीं आता है कि चुनाव के हर पहलुओं पर चार साल माथा पच्ची करने के बाद भी ,चुनाव आयोग , गर्मियों में ही चुनाव क्यों कराते हैं ?

बिहार के चुनाव की अधिसूचना जारी होते समय , मैं बिहार में था , जहाँ चुनावी गर्मी ने , मौसम की गर्मी दुगना कर रखा था I उस पर बिहार की चरमरायी बिजली की हालत ने, मानो जीना मुहाल कर रखा था !

बिजली का जाना तो पक्का होता है, बिजली के आने का कोई समय नहीं होता है I ऐसे में लोग रात को सोते समय पंखे इत्यादि ओन करके ही रखते हैं ताकि बीच रात में जब बिजली आये तो उठना नहीं पड़े I मुझे टीवी पर समाचार देखने की बुरी लत है I रात को सोते सोते तक, सारे चैनल पर समाचार और इनका विश्लेषण ज़रूर देखने की कोशिश करता हूँ, अगर बिजली साथ दे तो I इसी चक्कर में, अक्सर टीवी रात को ऑफ करना भूल जाता हूँ I

कल रात ऐसा ही कुछ हुआ I बीच रात को ,टीवी से पृथिवी राज कपूर की आवाजें आने लगीं, जो बड़े रोअब्दार लहजे में मुग़ले आज़म के डायलाग जैसा कुछ बोल रहे थे I मैं ने सोंचा की टीवी लगता है ओन रह गया था Iबिजली को कोसता हुआ टीवी के निकट गया , पर यह क्या, आवाज़ टीवी से नहीं, बल्कि बाहर वाले मुख्य गेट से आ रही थी I छन भर तो मैं कुछ समझ ही नहीं सका , फिर हिम्मत जुटा कर , दरवाज़ा खोला Iअब तो मनो मेरी घिघी ही बंद गयी I सामने , पृथिवी राज कपूर जी, जो बरसों पहले स्वर्ग्वाशी हो चुके थे , मेरे सामने साक्षात खड़े थे I

मैं ने कहा , पृथिवी राज जी, नमस्कार, कृपया अन्दर आईये I इस पर वोह बोले, “अरे गुस्ताख पत्रकार , मैं पृथिवी राज कपूर नहीं हूँ, मैं बादशाह अकबर हूँ “!!

मैं ने तुरंत सलाम किया और उनको अन्दर लाकर ड्राइंग रूम में बैठा दिया I घबराहट और उत्सुकता में, उनसे आने का कारण पूछने की बजाये , मैं ने उनको एंटरटेन करने के लिए टीवी ओन कर दिया जिस पर फिल्मीं गाने आ रहे थे और खुद कपडा बदलने चला गया I

जब मैं वापस आया तो बादशाह अकबर टीवी देखने में वस्त थे Iमेरे आते ही उन्हों ने मुझ से कहा “मैं ने तो स्वर्ग में सुना था, यहाँ पर बहुत ग़रीबी है , पर मुझे तो यह बिलकुल ग़लत लगता है I जब तुम्हारे जैसा एक साधारण पत्रकार इतनी सारी अनारकली अपने घर पर रखता है और उन्हें बीच रात में भी नचा सकता है , इस से अच्छा और क्या हो सकता है I

अच्छा हुआ, मैं सलीम को लेकर नहीं आया , नहीं तो वो वापस ही नहीं जाता !!”

मैं ने कहा “ जहाँ पनाह, यह सब रियल अनारकली नहीं हैं और यह एक “इडियट बॉक्स” है I”

उन्हों ने जवाब दिया “येही तो त्रुटी है तुम लोगों में, जो हर कोई ,दूसरों को इडियट समझते हो I मेरी समझ में नहीं आता है, क्या “रियल” है और क्या “ उन रिएअल हैI”

मैं ने कहा “ जहाँ पनाह , कहिये, मैं आपकी क्या खिदमत कर सकता हूँ “

उन्हों ने कहा “ मैं ने सुना है, यहाँ भूतपूर्व साशकों को सारी सुविधाएँ प्राप्त करायी जाती हैं I अभी के साशक नरेन्द्र मोदी को खबर करो की मुझे अपना निजी घोडा भेज दे , मैं देश का भ्रमण करना चाहता हूँ “.

मैं ने कहा “जहां पनाह , आजकल शाशक “horse riding” नहीं “horse trading “ करते हैं “

“इसका क्या मतलब ?”, बादशाह अकबर ने पुछा I

मैं ने जवाब दिया “जहां पनाह . हमारे नेता घोड़ों की तरह हैं और बिकाऊ हैं I इनकी कीमत , हालात की गंभीरता पर निर्भर होती हैं I कभी कभी , यह करोरों और अरबों में होती हैं I”

अकबर बादशाह यह सुनकर झिन्झिला उठे “ बंद करो यह बकवास , मेरी समझ में कुछ भी नहीं आ रहा है I यह बताओ, आजकल साशक घोड़ों पर नहीं चड़ते हैं तो किस पर चड़ते है ?

मैं ने कैलेंडर पर हेलीकाप्टर की फोटो दिखाकर कहा “आजकल साशक इसी पर चड़ते हैं !दिल्ली में इसको “helicopter” और बिहार में लालूजी “udan khatola” कहते हैं “I

बहुत चकित होकर वो हेलेकोप्टर को देखते हुए बोले “ क्या सभी साशक इसको चला लेते हैं ?

मैं ने जवाब दिया :नहीं जहां पनाह , अब हिंदुस्तान में ड्राईवर की कुर्सी पर साशक नहीं बैठते हैं, इस पर कोई ‘foreign power’ “indigenous opposition” बैठता है और साशक को ड्राईवर की मर्ज़ी के मुताबिक , मुल्क को उसी दिशा में ले जाना होता है “I

वो बोले “यह तो ठीक है, अब यह बताओ वोटर्स किस पर ride करता है ?

मैं ने बताया “वोटर्स घोड़ों पर नहीं, “waves” पर “ride”करता है I कभी “Mandir wave”, कभी “Mandal wave” पर ride करता है I पर इस चुनाव में,इन दो waves के अलावा , दर्जनों waves , चुनाव में अनिश्चता पैदा कर रही हैं I और उस पर राजनितिक पार्टियों ने तरह तरह के गठबंधन बना कर वोटर्स को कंफ्यूज कर दिया है “

अकबर बादशाह, जिन्हों ने यह सारे शब्द पहली बार सुने थे, बड़े ही अचम्भे में पड़े दिख रहे थे I उन्होंने पुछा “ अच्छा यह बताओ, साशक चुनने के लिए , चुनाव क्यों कराते हैं, हमारे वक़्त जैसा “law of heredity” के अनुसार साशक क्यों नहीं चुनते हैं ?

मैं ने कहा “जी जहां पनाह, फिरंग्यों के जाने के बाद, येही अपनाया था और जवाहर लाल नेहरु, इंदिरा गाँधी इत्यादि , इसी रूल से गद्दी पर बैठे थे Iपर जनता को यह पसंद नहीं था Iइस लिए अब साशक और नव रत्ना , सभी चुनाव प्रतिकिर्या से ही आते हैं” I

बादशाह बहुत ही चिंतित हो उठे और फिर कहा “मेरे विचार से नव रत्नों में ही दोष होगा “I

मैं ने कहा “ पहली बात तो यह है की नव रत्नों का चुनाव मेरिट पर नहीं, बल्कि जात, धर्म, छेत्र और सब से बढ़कर चमचागिरी पर होता है I दूसरी बात है की, अब केवल 9 नव रत्ना नहीं होते हैं I हर तबके के लोगों को जगह देनी पड़ती है , नहीं तो वोह “rebel” हो जाते हैं और आज हिंदुस्तान में “rebel” , हुकूमत को बनाते और तोड़ते हैं I

इसी कारन से श्री नरेन्द्र मोदी जी, अपनी गद्दी बचाने के लिए, अपने नवरत्नों की बहुत सारी मुर्खता को बर्दाश्त करते हैं “I
अब तक बाशाह सलामत अपना धीरज खो चुके थे I इस तरह के साशन के तरीके उनके लिए सोंच के बाहर थे I उन्हों ने उकताते हुए कहा “नरेन्द्र मोदी को बोले, मुझे हेलीकाप्टर भेज दे, मैं सारा बिहार घूमना चाहता हूँ”I

मैं ने कहा , “जहां पनाह , चुनाव की अधिसूचना जारी हो चुकी है और अब अचार संहिता लागु है I अगर मैं आपके लिए उड़न खटोला का इंतज़ाम कर भी दूँ, तो विपक्ष के लोग चुनाव आयोग में शिकायत दर्ज करा देंगे की आप “Babar ki aulad” के बीच में“Secular alliance” के लिए वोट मांगने आये हैं I

बादशाह अकबर , तुरंत समझ गए और मेरे घर से यह कहते हुए निकल गए की इस इंटरव्यू को कहीं नहीं छापना !!!

MA full


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“HIS HEAVINESS M.A.H.PRINCE”

IF I WAS REJECTED MANY TIMES, BECAUSE OF MY SOPHISTICATED LOOK , MY FRIEND WAS SELECTED BECAUSE OF HIS UNUSUAL LOOK…………..read the full story !!!

I have got a friend of mine, named Mumtaz Akhtar Hussain “Prince”.I call him HH Prince ( HH stands, not for “His Highness”,but for “His Heaviness”). He is 5 ft 5 inches tall and weighs close to a quintal; and is proud owner of the biggest possible face of a human being that Allah has created.

He is my neighbor, both at Bhagalpur and at Delhi / NCR. We have always shared our grief & joy with each other, although he is about 12 years younger in age.

Although, he is not a gifted actor, but the “Keeda” of acting in films, is very active in him. He has been with me countless time, when I go for shoots .But to get an entry in films, you need to have, either an extra ordinary talent or a big patronage. He had neither of the two. Still, he got a break, because of his unusual look.

The story goes 15 years back, when I was struggling to establish myself in the industry. HH Prince, accompanied me on a shoot for a TV serial. Soon after, we reached the location, I listened one of the crew of the unit, murmuring to other “Yeh, namoona, kis ke saath aya hai ?”.After a while, the director walked up to me and asked ,”we wish to use your friend with a two liner. Will he do that ?.I asked HH Prince. He agreed immediately as “Andha chahe kya, 2 ankh “.Although, the role was very small, but he got noticed.

There after, he did many small roles in films, TV serials, TV Commercials, Song Album, Print Ad etc. Mostly, role of a Corrupt Neta , Dishonest Businessman, Bare bodied Halwai of a village etc.

All these made my life miserable, as all my friends & relatives, started requesting me for a break, mostly saying ,”Jab usko kaam mil sakta hai, toh hamien kyon nahin ?.

But, people do not realize that his typical look is used as a breather for the viewers.

I am graded as a camera friendly & a single take actor in Delhi, as I don’t need too many retakes, even for shots with long dialogues.

After, I made my position in the industry, production houses & the casting directors, finalized my role, without audition. And for shoots for Print Advertisements, many times, they finalized my name, without even consulting me, creating a catch 22 situation for me some times.

 On a fateful day, one of the Ad film makers called me, if I would be free in the afternoon, as they were finalizing a Print Ad shoot schedule. I said, “yes, and asked for the details”. I was shocked when they said it is for News Paper, for their brand promotion and the role they had finalized for me (without my consent), was that of a “Corrupt Politician from UP, who would be shown handcuffed”. I objected vehemently, as it totally against my image. I refused the offer straightaway. Then, they opened up and said they had shown over a hundred pics to the client for approval, but they rejected all & selected me, as they were looking for someone with an expressive face & body language .I suggested that  they should use my friend HH Prince, who fits the bill. They had apprehensions that the client may not agree to this last minute change.

Finally, I agreed to come to the location with HH Prince, on the condition that if the client, would still be adamant, I shall do. We reached a farm house, near Mehrauli, which was to be shown as the corrupt politicians house; and wherefrom, he was supposed to be arrested. The farm house had a huge lawn on the back side. The camera & the entire crew, was waiting for us. I went inside the main building along with the costume designer and the makeup man. Instead of me, I asked them to organize the dress ( a dhoti, kurta, bundi, chappal & a UP politician like cap), for HH Prince. The make up man did his job.

And when we walked out of the main building towards the lawn in the back side, the entire team jumped with joy. The director came running to me, hugged me & said “Sir, Kamaal ki cheez laye ho”.The shot was taken on HH Prince, with utmost satisfaction of all concerned, including the officials from the client side.

 

This was not HH Prince’s first encounter of this kind. Leading news paper “Dainik Jagran”,used HH prince for their Hoardings, where he was portrayed as “Dishonest Businessman”.

Attached pic is from a Tele film. HH Prince, played the role of a corrupt UP politician, here also.

Lo & behold: The channel used this scene for the promo of the film.

FB HH PRINCE !FB HH PRINCE 2FB HH PRINCE 3FB HH PRINCE 4


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“SCHINDLER’S LIST IN REVERSE”

Schindler’s List in the Reverse

(उलटी शिन्द्लेर लिस्ट )………बिहार विधान सभा चुनाव पर एक और व्यंग !!!

बिहार विधान चुनाव पर मेरा पहला व्यंग “स्वर्ग वाणी” बहुत सराहा गया और उसी से उत्साहित होकर , यह दूसरा व्यंग पेश कर रहा हूँ !!

पहले और दुसरे चरणों में कुल मिलाकर 243 सीटों में से 81 सीटों पर मत दान हुआ ! गरचे Exit Poll पर पाबन्दी लगी हुई है , फिर भी विभिन्य श्रोतो से जानकारी के आधार पर यह कहने में कोई संकोच नहीं है की NDA का बहुत ही बुरा प्रदर्शन हुआ I कारण चाहे , केन्द्रीय सरकार की महंगाई पर नियंतरण में बिफलता हो , पार्टी में अंतर कलह हो या बघावत पर उतरे असंतुष्ट नेता एवं कार्यकर्ता हो , भोगना तो NDA के चारो घटक दल को पड़ रहा है I

अगले तीन चरणों में 162 सीटों पर मतदान होने वाले हैं I NDA के खेमे में घबराहट साफ़ दिख रही है I पोस्टर्स हटाये जा रहे हैं, सभाएं अस्तघित की जा रही हैं I घटक दलों के सारे नेता दिल्ली में आपात कालीन बैठक में बुलाये जा रहे हैं !

अगर पुरे नेत्रितिव के बोख्लाहत का यह हाल है ,तो बेचारे उन 162 प्रत्याषियो का क्या होगा I उनकी दिशा तो जर्मनी में नाज़ी कंसंट्रेशन कैंप ले जा रहे यहुदिओं जैसी है , क्यों की उन्हें पता है की मत दाता , उन्हें नाज़ी जैसी सज़ा देंगे I

जर्मनी की बात करें तो , वहां Schindler नाम के एक व्यक्ति ने लग भाग एक हज़ार यहुदिओं की जान बचाई थी I जिन जिन के नाम Schindler की लिस्ट में आ जाते , उनकी जान बच जाती थी I
इसके विपरीत, बिहार विधान सभा चुनाव में जिन जिन के नाम NDA की लिस्ट में उमीदवार की हैसियत से है , उनका वोटरों के द्वारा टार्चर होना निश्चित है I

इसी लिए मैं ने इस लेख का नाम “Schindler’s list in reverse” या “उलटी शिन्द्लेर लिस्ट” रखा है I और यह नाम, मुझे ट्रेन पर यात्रा के दौरान, एक युवक ने सुझाया था
I
मैं पिछले दिनों, भागलपुर से दिल्ली आ रहा था I सामने वाली सीट पर एक युवक , अखबार पढ़ रहा था और मुस्कुरा रहा था I मैं ने पुछा , “ऐसा क्या है की तुम लगातार मुस्कुरा रहे हो” I उस ने बताया “ अंकल , इस में “Schindler’s list in reverse” छापी है I और फिर उस ने जो बताया , वोह बड़ा ही कंविंसिंग लगा और इसी लिए मैं ने इसे, इस पोस्ट के रूप में, लोगों तक पहुँचाने का निर्णय लिया I

बात इतनी सीधी नहीं है , जितनी दिखती है I मामला बहुत ही विचारनीय है I विश्व में कहीं भी, सरकार चमचों के सलाह पर नहीं चलती है I यह प्रथा, केवल यहाँ है और यह केवल NDA के शाशन में ही नहीं, बल्कि हर पार्टी के शाशन के दौरान रही है I मोदी जी की कार्य शैली या विज़न में कोई संदेह नहीं है , मुसीबत , उनके अपने ही लोग पैदा करते हैं और भुगतना मुख्या को पड़ता है I क्या ज़रुरत थी, आरक्षण पर बे तुकी टिपण्णी करने का I NDA की हार में, यह एक बहुत बड़ा फैक्टर है I इसी तरह की अस्थिथि पडोसी देश पकिस्तान और बंगला देश में भी है I वहां भी मुख्या को सही जानकारी नहीं दी जाती है और मौसम की तरह सरकारें बदलती रहती हैं !

एक मौलवी साहेब बहुत ही अच्छा बोलते थे I उनके चाहने वाले “वाह मौलवी साहेब,
“वाह मौलवी साहेब” कहते कहते उनकी दाढ़ी तक पहुँच जाने लगे I कुछ दिनों में मौलवी साहेब की पूरी दाढ़ी वाह वाह में चाहने वालों के हाथों में चली गयी I येही हाल मोदी जी के चाहने वाले, ‘मोदी- मोदी’ कहकर, उनके साथ कर रहे हैं I सच की जानकारी देने की हिम्मत नहीं है किसी में I एक शत्रुघ्न सिन्हा जी है, जो सच बताना चाहते है पर उन्हें मौक़ा ही नहीं मिलता है !

येही हाल पडोसी देश पकिस्तान का है !!

एक दिन जनरल जिया, इस्लामाबाद में , एम्बेसी एरिया से गुज़र रहे थे I उनहोंने देखा की अमेरिकन एम्बेसी के सामने “इमिग्रेंट वीजा ” लेने वालों की बहुत ही लम्बी लाइन लगी थी I जनरल साहेब ने कार रुकवाया और लाइन में सब से पीछे खड़े हो गए I यह जानने के लिए , की देश वाशियों को , वीजा लेने में कोई कठिनाई तो नहीं है I जैसे ही वोह लाइन में लगे, आगे खड़े सभी लोग लाइन से बाहर आने लगे I जनरल साहेब ने समझा की लोग, उनके सम्मान में उनके लिए जगह बना रहे हैं I पर यह क्या !! जनरल साहेब ने उनका शुक्रिया अदा किया तो वोह एक साथ बोल पड़े “जब आपही पाकिस्तान छोड़ कर अमेरिका “इमिग्रेंट वीजा ” पर जा रहे हैं, तो फिर हमें , मुल्क छोड़ कर जाने की कोई ज़रुरत नहीं हैं I

चलिए, अब वापस ट्रेन के डब्बे में चलते हैं I मैं ने उस युवक से पुछा , अगर NDA वाले “उलटी शिन्द्लेर लिस्ट” में हैं, तो तुम अपना वोट किस को दे रहे हो I उस ने बताया मैं “NOTA” वाला बटन दबाऊंगा, क्योंकि मुझे , सभी एक ही समान लगते हैं I देश भक्ति, इमानदारी , आदर्शवाद इत्यादि, इन में से किसी में नहीं है I फिर उस ने मुझे समझाने के लिए एक कहानी सुनाई I कहानी कुछ इस तरह से है !!

एक बार “स्पेस रिसर्च आर्गेनाईजेशन” , ने हर राजनितिक पार्टी से एक एक नेता को चाँद पर जाने का ऑफर दिया , जिस में जाने वालों को दो करोड़ रुपया ,इनाम के तौर पर दिया जाना था I
प्रेस वाले पहुँच गए और इंटरव्यू शरू हुआ I उनहोंने सब से एक ही सवाल पुछा की वोह इस दो करोड़ रुपयों का क्या करेंगे I

बीजेपी नेता : एक करोड़ मैं राम जनम भूमि ट्रस्ट में दूंगा और दूसरा अपने परिवार वालों के लिए रख दूंगा, क्या पता , वापस लौट आयूँ या नहीं I

सी पी एम् : एक करोड़ अपने परिवार के लिए रख दूंगा और एक करोड़ का लाल कपडा खरीदूंगा और पुरे देश में बाँट दूंगा क्योंकि भारत को USSR बनाने का इस से अच्छा कोई तरीका नहीं है I

आर जे दी : एक करोड़ रुपया से पूरे बिहार में खटाल बनायेंगे और एक करोड़ पिछड़े और अति पिछड़े लोगों के बीच बाँट देंगे और सारा वोट अपनी थैली में ले आएंगे I

एक नेता (पार्टी का नाम गुप्त रखने को कहा ): एक करोड़ हवाला के ज़रिये स्विट्ज़रलैंड भेज देंगे और एक करोड़ “स्पेस रिसर्च आर्गेनाईजेशन” के ऑफिसर को रिश्वत देकर अपने बदले किसी और का नाम लिखवा देंगे I इसको कहते हैं

”सांप भी मर जाये और लाठी भी न टूटे “ !!!

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“GHAZAL IN INCOME TAX OFFICE”

On the birth anniversary of the legendary singer Asha Bhonsle ,on the 8th of September, a FB friend of mine posted the link ,of one of her famous Ghazals ,from film “Umrao Jaan”,

DIL CHEEZ KYA HAI,AAP MERI JAAN LIJYE
BAS EK BAAR MERA KAHA, MAAN LIJYE

The film as well as this Ghazal ,are considered as all time classics.

While listening the Ghazal, I was reminded of a funny story :

A gentleman went to the Income Tax Office, for the first time to file his return He was shocked to see a couple of lines from the same Ghazal, written at the entrance of the building , which reads as under :

IS ANJUMAN MIEN APKO, AANA HAI BAAR BAAR
DEEWAR-O-DAR KO GHAUR SE, PEHCHAN LIJYE

IT copy


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“D.O.G SAHEB”

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D.O.G SAHEB !!!

An irresistible satire By Qaisar N.K.Jani, published in “The Times of India”…………..

When I was a kid, I remember the big crowd that used to assemble in our house, every Wednesday evening. The present generation, would not probably believe that this crowd was not to listen to any religious discourse, but to listen to their favorite program BINACA GEET MALA, on our bulky radio set, as no other house in the locality had even this. Also, unlike these days, where we have a choice of entertainment channels on our TV sets, there were not too many exclusive song programs on the radio. And the TV was yet to come.

There are many areas where country has developed remarkably. But, there are certain areas, which have seen devaluation and negative growth. These are ,degradation of moral, social and cultural values and in the status and respect, which the government officials used to command in those good old days.

Present day corruption in government offices, the use and misuse of power, and the (dis) respect, the officials’ command, is theme of the satire today.

I would first of all like to analyze the reasons for this down slide. In the pre- independence and early post-independence period, the number of coveted posts was finger counted. I don’t have the figure with me, but I am sure the growth of these coveted posts is higher than the dangerously high population growth.

Every politician ,who would otherwise be ineffective and would be rejected by the voters, tries to save his face, by manipulating creation of new blocks, new sub divisions and new districts in his constituency. And then the number of departments and the posts being invented now and then, is so high that it is giving a tough time to the publishers of G.K. books, who have to updates the entries on fortnightly or monthly basis.

All these posts are filled by the near and dear of the power lobby; hence these officials are obliged to dance to the tunes of their Godfathers, without caring for the rules and the norms. If that is the mentality of the so called government officials, the members of the public have their own interpretation. They think that during the British Raj, the officials were “Government Servants” and hence they commanded respect, whereas in independent India, the officials appointed through “Public Service Commission”, are “Public Servants”, and hence accountable to them.

Gone are the days when the members of the public were not allowed to go near the residence or the office chamber of the top officials of the district. Nowadays, anybody clad in kurta pyjama, is licensed to barge into any official’s chamber to get any document signed; else the official would have to face the wrath. The other kind, not necessarily dressed in khadi, manages to get the work done purely on illegal gratification basis, as the officials, nowadays, are treated as purchasable commodity.

I would now take you to early independence period and the stories written here under reflect the character of public and the respect, the officials used to enjoy.
A “GENTLEMAN”, an infrequent traveler, reached Patna Junction to take a train to Mughalsarai. By the time he reached the portico, the train was about to leave. The poor fellow could not buy the ticket and boarded the train without ticket, which was supposed to be a big crime then. However, he planned to request the TTE on the train to issue him the ticket at the earliest.

Sitting in a corner, the gentleman took out a magazine and pretended to curb his nervousness. Shortly after, he almost fainted at the sight of a guy in black coat nearing him. The ‘BLACK COAT’ guy sat next to him. The gentlemen, in order to build a rapport, immediately opened his lunch box, took out eatables and offered the same to him saying “These are GAJAR KA HALWA AND PURI, made in pure ghee. My “BEGUM’ has made these ,especially for you”. The BLACK COAT guy, without any hesitation gulped the stuff. By then, the train reached Arrah Jn.The BLACK COAT guy picked up his brief case and started moving towards the door .The GENTLEMAN nervously asked ,”Sir you are not going beyond Arrah?”.

The man in black coat said “No, I am a practicing lawyer at Arrah court and I commute by this train every day.”

The other story is about a Bengali professor. The period was early sixties. An excursion trip of the students of the local college to Darjeeling, was headed by the said professor. The professors in those days, used to be hard core professionals and men of principles.”Coaching Center” culture was not invented till then; and hence they didn’t have enough money for such trips on their own.

Walking down the Mall Road, the professor sighted Chinese pen and French perfumes. He couldn’t check his temptation and bought a couple of pen and bottle of perfume. However, he started feeling guilty after the purchase. Those days, buying smuggled imported goods was a shameful act . His nervousness was sensed by the students who began troubling him all the more.

Next day, they left for Silliguri on way to Bhagalpur. At Silliguri, the professor bought famous Misthi Dohi for his family back home. In order to avoid an encounter with any official, looking for imported goods, he went inside the first class waiting room, kept his luggage at a distance and went to sleep.

The students, who were sitting on the platform, waiting for the morning train, thought of playing prank on the poor professor. One of them went inside the waiting room, woke him up and said “Sir, take care of your stuffs, D.O.G. SAHEB is on the platform”. The professor without questioning, who the D.O.G. SAHEB was, said, “Thank you very much for the information. I shall be careful”.

During the night, the professor came out thrice asking “Where is D.O.G. SAHEB now? Is he alone ?”etc. The students would say, “Yes Sir, he is still on the platform and is with his team”.

The professor spent a restless night and next morning when came out to board the train, he asked again “Where is D.O.G. SAHEB now?”.

One of the students, pointed towards a dog standing nearby and said” He is right there. We added Saheb as suffix because you have been telling to add JI or SAHEB to everyone”.


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“WANTED CABINET MINISTERS”

WANTED CABINET MINISTERS……….

A satire on an imaginary expansion of Nitish Kumar’s cabinet before the Assembly election !!!!

Applications are invited to fill a few Cabinet minister’s posts, which have fallen vacant due to resignations of the ministers, during the past few months, following Manjhi’s jumping out of JDU Nayya !

Since the positions being advertised herein are very sensitive and of high level,  only those who strictly fulfill the following criteria need apply. Applicants are advised to go line by line through this advertisement and try to read between the lines too before filling up the application form.

There are altogether seven vacancies of cabinet rank in various departments in Nitish Kumar’s ministry. The appointments are purely temporary for two months only, but likely to be extended if the ruling party performs well in the next Assembly election, of which there is very strong possibility. Those selected would be designated as “Trainee Cabinet Minister” for at least six months or till the high command feels satisfied over his loyalty to “him”. Because in such appointments, loyalty to the Nation is secondary, which the applicants do not understand and hence fail to reach these coveted posts.

There is no minimum requirement of qualification, as one needs certain basic qualification to run the department as an official but none to head the department as a minister. However, those, who have the guts to submit false affidavit regarding qualification, shall be considered for the post of Education Minister.

Also, there is no age bar for these posts, because unlike other services, where the incumbents are sent back to the pavilion at the age of 60 years, when they are supposed to loose their health and mental abilities, these post have no retirement age, as the incumbents remain healthy, even after 70 or 80 years of age and become sick only when they are sent to jail. Hence, for the present vacancies, preference would be given to those who have the record of remaining healthy, even inside the jail. Applicants are advised to submit photo copies of all the “Jail Yatra Certificates” (even for kidnapping, ransom, rioting etc.) issued by the respective jail authorities.

Under thee changing nature of political games in the country, those with a strong network, capable of organizing “Natural” kind of deaths of the witnesses, in case the government has an, embarrassing situation due to any major scam, shall be appointed without interview.

Also since the job involves creation of divides on caste, religion or region basis, depending upon circumstances to save the party and the high command from premature overthrow out of power, those who have confirmed proof of expertise in any of the these fields, would be given preference. 

In the changing political scenario, the incumbents are supposed to have excellent skill of personal relationship not only with the “Hawala operators” but also with the investigating agencies to save themselves from premature exit from the cabinet and entry into Beur jail. Candidates having capability to go to any extent to achieve these would be preferred.

The initial place of posting would be Patna but candidates should be prepared to go to any jail in India, in case of overcrowding of Beur jail by the politicians and the officials.

The post carries a monthly token salary of ‘one rupee’ like Jay Lalitha, the chief minister of Tamil Nadu, in her previous term. However, there is no limit to the “fringe benefits” to the deserving candidates; and with the token salary and these benefits, they would be capable of building houses better that the Animal Husbandry officials and celebrating the marriages of their own children, as well as , foster children of friends, with greater opulence than Jay Lalitha.

Those befitting the above criteria are advised to mail their applications at the earliest along with  Rs.1 Crore in cash(for party fund) only. Those remitting equivalent amount in US dollars bought through “Hawala” route, would be given preference.

Keeping the forthcoming Assembly  election and the present situation in mind, one post each is reserved for ST/SC, OBC, minority, female, wards of CBI officials, wards of judicial officials and wards of election commission officials because the advertisers believe in”Hum agar doobenge sanam , toh tumko bhi le doobenge” theory. However, in case of an increase in the number of vacancies, which is quite likely, further posts would be meant for general category. 

After filling the applications, the candidates are advised to rush to Patna, as canvassing of all kind would be highly appreciated.

Those who have held same or similar position in the past at state or at central level need not apply as in democracy; the right to richness is given to all, one by one.

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“HOTLINE TO HEAVEN”

HOTLINE TO HEAVEN…………..an irresistible satire on forthcoming Bihar Assembly election!

It was little after midnight that my telephone began to ring. Cursing the caller, I picked up the phone and the caller said, “He was Sri Babu”. I am sorry, but still I can’t place you I said, still groggy with sleep & irritated over this unwanted intrusion. The caller laughed & said,”I am not surprised because far too many people have forgotten me.I am Sri Krishna Sinha, first Chief Minister of Bihar”. It was my turn to be shocked. I started stammering ‘well, err… I am not sure…..but… He interrupted me, “Look now, that the assembly election is just round the corner, we felt it was high time for someone to interview us. That’s why we called you, would you please anchor a panel discussion?”

By now I was fully awake and asked him firmly to disclose the identity of the others to be interviewed. Mildly surprised he said ,”There are quite a few Chief Ministers here, you know. In fact, once you are a Chief Minister, your place in the heaven also is secure”. I was now, in full command of the situation, ”That’s all right, but is it the right time to call a decent person ?It is long past midnight, you know “. Sri Babu was a little apologetic and said, “It is my fault. It is so long that I have been here that I have forgotten that Bihar is on the other side of the Heaven. See it is noon here and this is the only time that one could get a satellite signal .But despite causing you lot of inconvenience, we are grateful, if you proceed with the interview. It has been so long that we have been interviewed”.

‘POLITICIANS, POSSIBLY CAN NOT SURVIVE WITHOUT INTERVIEWS ….

What could one do? I agreed and soon, could hear the voice of several dead Chief Ministers greeting me. I almost fainted. Speaking to one Chief Minister, is a life time moment for an ordinary mortal like me. Imagine talking to so many of them together!!

Reproduced below, is the text of discussion:

It is a privilege for me to anchor a panel discussion on the forthcoming assembly election of Bihar. I would like to introduce you to the panelists. Sitting from left to right are ,(late) Sri Krishna Sinha, (Late) K.B.Sahay, (Late) B.P.Mandal, (Late) Bhagwat Jha Azad, (Late) Abdul Ghafoor, (Late)Karpoori thakur, all ex-Chief Ministers of Bihar.

My first question is to (late)Sri Krishna Sinha:

Do you really feel the necessity of so much of interference by the Election Commission?

(Late)Sri Krishna Sinha: Interference of the Election Commission, is justified to some extent, beyond that, it deprives the game of politics, of its fun. As you know, elections in Bihar, are fought on mass participation basis, with almost total involvement of all Biharis, rich or poor, urban or rural, male or female. The whole state gives a festive look for a couple of months, and the people keep discussing these eventful moments, for the next five years, in the offices, during office hours, in the colleges, during class room hours, in the kitchen, during cooking hours.

Election Commission is going to deprive the Biharis, of these free entertainments, by imposing so much of “ifs” & “buts”.

Qaisar N.K.Jani : Thank you Sir.My next question is to (late)Sri B.P.Mandal.Did you imagine that the outcome of the Commission that you were heading, would become a major issue in the elections ? .And if you had known it before, would you have avoided this controversy by confusing the people, rather than convincing the people on the reservation issue ?

(Late)Sri B.P.Mandal: No I hadn’t imagined that this would become such a major issue, and if I had known it before, I would have continued extending the expiry date of the Commission, till the issue itself, would have expired. As far as confusing the people, I must say that Biharis are very simple people, but very intelligent and it was not easy to confuse them.

Qaisar N.K.Jani: Abdul Ghafoor Saheb, now it is your turn. Why is that in a state, where Muslim population is about 16 %, out of about 69 yrs post independence era, Muslim Chief Minister, headed the state only for about 1.75 yrs (Approx. 2.5 %) of the total period and who you think, can be a probable Muslim candidate for the post of Chief Minister ?

(Late) Abdul Ghafoor : All the political parties, exploited this community for vote bank politics. None of them looked into their problem after the elections are over. Muslims are easily won by small carrots or even by dramatized Aftar party. Thanks to BJP, which by their regular rhetoric, have educated the Muslim voters, who are now in a position to assert. As regards Muslim Chief Minister, both the names, in circulation from UPA & NDA factions, are branded secular Muslims .Having a non-Muslim wife, is another advantage to both of them. If you are asking my choice, I would reject both of them.

Qaisar N.K.Jani: Bhagwat Jha Azad Ji, tell me why the graph of Brahmins in Bihar politics is drooping down. In the initial post independence period, Brahmins, with 5 % population, ruled the state for more than 13 yrs( 19 % of the total period of 69 years). Is “Chanakya Neeti”, no more relevant?

(Late)Bhagwat Jha Azad: The figure supports your theory, but if “Chanakya Neeti” has lost its relevance, why is that “Bhumhari Pench”(Bhumihar’s maneuverability) is redundant. Bhumihars with 6 % population ruled the state for about 14 yrs (20 %) of the total period. And about Kaystha’s, they ruled for 4 years (6 %) of the total period, with just 1 % population, using “Lala Budhi”( Kayastha’s wisdom).Summing up, the fact of the matter is that education & governance, is no more a propriety of a chosen few castes .It is any body’s game now.

Qaisar N.K.Jani: K.B.Sahay Ji.Do you agree with the theory of Bhagwat Jha Azad ?

(Late)K.B.Sahay: For the past few centuries, Kaystha’s were supporting RPI (ruling Party of India).During Mughal period, they were closest to the rulers. In fact, they adopted their food & dresses also. When the British came, they were the most literate community, having command over English language & culture and hence, were enjoying the status & power. We continued with the same theory, even post independence, but by now, many people knew the tricks and we lost the monopoly.

 

Qaisar N.K.Jani: Karpooriji.Talking about the photo identity card, what is your stand on the issue ?

(Late) Sri Karpoori Thakur : Basically, Election Commission, should be headed by a person, whose knowledge should range from “BURGER’ to “SATTU”, when it is food, from “BRAHMIN” to “BARBER’, when it is caste, and from “NEW DELHI” to “PHOOLPARAS”, when it is Geography. In a poor state like Bihar, Election Commission should first think of providing safe storage place of the valued identity card in every hutment. Probably, Commission members; do not know that people & their animals live in the same mud house, sometimes, with temporary roof tops.

Here, I am reminded of a similar incidence of ignorance of reality. I was travelling in a train, when a hawker selling fresh “HARA CHANA’, entered the compartment. It was about 8 O’clock in the night and his basket was still full with unsold stuff. On my opposite berth, family of a senior bureaucrat was sitting.  One of his two, Delhi bred little sons, innocently told his brother ,”What a pity, it is late in the night and he has still lot of unsold stuffs, which will be perished by morning” .The other child replied, “Why, when he will go back home, he shall keep it I his refrigerator and shall sell it tomorrow. The kids, were as ignorant/ innocent as Election Commission members and didn’t have any knowledge of the living standard of poor people.

Qaisar N.K.Jani: My next question is common to all of you. How did you mange to get such important positions in the Heaven too ?

(Late)K.B.Sahay: By using “LALA BUDHI” and booth capturing!

(Late)Sri Krishna Sinha:  By playing Backward/ Forward card & booth capturing !

(Late)Karpoori Thakur: By beating SC/ ST drum & booth capturing !

(Late)B.P.Mandal: By using Mandal card & booth capturing !

 (Late) Abdul Ghafoor : I got the position from minority quota !

(Late)Bhagwat Jha Azad : A “Pundit”, is a must everywhere, hence I had no problem !

Qaisar N.K.Jani: Thank you all very much. Shall organize more interviews as the election process proceeds.
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“IS RANG BADALTI DUNYA MIEN, NETAON KI NEEYAT THEEK NAHIN”

IS RANG BADALTI DUNYA MIEN, NETAON KI NEEYAT THEEK NAHIN !!!
Is the country really inching towards “Emergency”………

Till the other day, we had three groups namely the leftists, the rightists and the centrist. Now, we have to add one more group called “eccentrics” which consists of politicians, who are unpredictable and who, all on a sudden decide to change the loyalty overnight, even after having successful association with the group for decades.

Their skill of changing colors, overnight, overshadows, the most skilled “CHAMELEONS”.

It is as stupid as husband divorcing the wife, after thirty years of marriage on the ground like ,her choice of color is not good. Do such husbands discover such things ,all on a sudden and after living together for thirty years? Even a layman would call it ,a lame excuse. The problem is that the politicians in our country do not probably, care and estimate the mental state of the voters, who are no more “yours faithfully” types, like they were four decades back. Now, they understand every bit of games the politician play at the cost of voters.

If a Neta gives a political statement and if it backfires, the party disowns its responsibility, with just one liner “Yeh unka niji Vichar hai”.

If two serving Ministers, commit same mistake, or are part of the same scam, the one, who is close to the high command, is protected and the other, is left to defend himself / herself.

Such victims have no way out, than to seek refuge with the rival party.

In the political circus, we have varieties of creatures. Most of them join the circus, in a very calculated way, but some of them, become a part of the circus, by default.

Here is an interesting story, about a politician who had the misfortune of locking his car, leaving the key inside. The car was of post liberalization make and of a good quality and hence the window panes could not be brought down by any means. Having left with no alternative, he thought of inserting a wire through a key hole, so that he could unlock the car, the way the car thieves usually do. While he was trying this method, a police man came and grabbed him on the charge of stealing the car. The politician reacted and said it was his car and the man in the uniform must behave properly. The police wasn’t convinced and there was a heated exchange of unpleasantries’, until the politician showed him the label on the windscreen of the car showing his name and status in the public life. The cop immediately cooled down and apologized.’Sir, please excuse me, for I misunderstood you. In my twenty years of service, you are the only politician, I have ever seen, who does not know how to open the lock and make his way”.

Such simple politicians never get any responsible position in the government. And shockingly, the voters also, dislike them as their elected representatives.

Isn’t the country running Ram Bharose !!!!!

 

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“NEED FOR A COURSE IN NETA MANAGEMENT”

(I wrote the following satire long time back, but on the request of my followers, I keep posting it, before every election.)

NEED FOR A COURSE IN MANAGEMENT !!
A satire on the political system of the country………..

Virtual exodus of rural population, unplanned urban rehabilitation, availability of countless luxury goods, newly acquired status consciousness’ of middle class etc., gave birth to a very complex society with endless varieties of socio- economic problems. Further to this, mushroom growth of educational institutions churning out qualified illiterates, is adding fuel to the already inflammable society (a situation very common is smaller towns of cow belt).

Under these situations, every family thinks in terms of physical, financial and social security by whatever means. If you have just one or even two of the above securities, you are liable to lose your peace of mind. As such, all the far sighted families try to choose career or profession of different family members in different disciplines. For example, if you have four sons the best course is to let your first son opt for:

IAS (I=It, A= Assures, S= status). Let your second son go for:

IPS (I=It, P= Promises, S= security).

Leave the third and fourth for two important professions discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.

Even if you have one IAS & one IPS in the family, you need someone to tackle your day to day local problems using muscle power. In case you don’t have extra family member to take up this department, get any of them married in a family where “IN-LAWS” are “OUTLAWS” (you can get plenty of them in Patna). Now with one DADA in the family, your petty problems are over. After you have one IPS, one IAS and one DADA in the family, get yourself in any sort of business, may be for name sake, as there should be someone to convert all the black into whites.

The family structure is not complete yet, as you need someone, above all, to protect the interests and the misdeeds of all the creatures mentioned above. This would be managed by your fourth son, who is kept reserved to become a

“POLITICIAN” (P= Person, O= Of, L=Least, I= Integrity, T= Trained, I=In, C= Championing, I=Immorality, A= And, N=Nepotism).

Now how to achieve this unique combination? Getting into IAS and IPS is not very difficult now a day, as the craze for this coveted club is declining drastically. It is no more considered a guarantee for a peaceful & affluent life style, as you are not sure when you would be in a Durga Shakti Nagpal or Ashok Khemka kind of a situation. And if you are in a rush to join 100 Cr. Club and if you are not tactful, you would make a “Breaking News” followed by heated debate in Assembly / Parliament before being suspended or being sent to the big bungalow called Tihar jail. Sometimes, an RTI activist can create a big hell for you.

The title DADA can easily be acquired if you are bold enough to insult government officials, mostly without reason.

The most difficult task is to become a successful “NETA” as this is the most sought after career for countless desperadoes looking for a break. With the world going in for super specialization, even this field requires well planned and calculated moves.
In good old days, politicians used to be full time professional, having stared their career at the age of 16 with one or two jail yatras and who graduated to the level of maturity as a politician after three or four decades of hard labor& and patience . Like other fields, this profession also has seen a lot of attitudinal changes. Now you don’t have to wait for three decades to get a ticket for the election. If you are smart enough, the lady luck would smile at you very shortly, may be within a year since you decide to become a ‘NETA.’

Keeping in mind, the political instability that we have, state elections can be held any moment and might be repeated any number of times within five years span. This has created acute shortage of “TRAINED NETAS”‘.

Also, with Computer / Medical / Engineering coaching institutes coming up at every street corner, any investment in opening any such institute is a bad proposition. Hence, for businessmen, who want to make quick money and who want to SERVE THE COUNTRY, the right choice of investment is to go for a “NETA MANAGEMENT INSTITUTE”. Also, because there shall not be any age restriction or minimum qualification bar for admission, the number of candidates seeking admission will be many times more than the capacity. And, the best part of the story is that the Institute can charge capitation fee (in 100% tax free Black Money) from the candidates sponsored by “Big Business Houses”. Good business!

The entrepreneurs should devise the syllabus covering the following subjects.

(1)BASIC PRINCIPLES OF NETAGIRI : Besides suggesting the use of Khadi Kurta- Pyjama, the syllabus should include the art of confusing people, speaking white lies, method of fund collection etc.

(2)CHAMCHAGIRI: This is very important in politics. The institute could offer specialization in this subject.

(3)STATISTICS: The institute should not just give the statistical data on caste, religion, local issues, past election trend etc., like Prannoy Roy, but it should suggest the methods also, to exploit these to the best possible extent. The institute can offer super specialization in ‘DIVIDE AND RULE’ policy and for this, they won’t have to invite guest faculty from England, as we have far more trained & experienced professionals available indigenous.

(4)SELECTION OF POLITICAL PARTY :The institute should make the students aware of the harsh fact that loyalty and principles do not work all the times. Many promising politicians get lost in oblivion due to wrong selection of the political party. The syllabus should be comprehensive enough to suggest the students on selection of ‘PARTICULAR PARTY’ for a ‘PARTICULAR AREA’ and for a ‘PARTICULAR ELECTION’‘.

(5)ELECTION COMMISSION RULES : The students must be taught various rules and norms set by the Election Commission and the methods to flout the same to their interest.

(6)BOOTH CAPTURING : Of Late, this has become very important for winning an election. This subject should draw maximum number of promising politicians, who would like to specialize in this field. The institute should admit extraordinary candidates in this discipline, strictly on the basis of (de) merit.

(7)PRECAUTION AND PREVENTION : With the accountability and exposure of the politicians becoming a big problem, political parties are extremely worried on account of poor knowledge of the members with regard to telephone tapping, hidden camera techniques etc. In the coming times, only those who would be well conversant with these would be made ‘Ministers’ or the ‘Party Presidents’.

As regard availability of faculty member, I am sure there will not be any dearth of the same, as lots of veteran and seasoned politician are sitting unemployed after being dumped either by the voters or by the party ( at times temporarily to please the ‘Janta’ ,whenever there is a big scam ).

LOCATION: Ideal location for the main center of the proposed ‘Netagiri Management Institutes’ ,would be Patna , as Patna has the potential of becoming “KOTA” for these kind of institutions. The institute can offer franchise in each district headquarters .Still later, it can have a full-fledged Lucknow campus, yet another potential market.

I am sure all the political parties would give preference to the GRADUATES IN NETAGIRI MANAGEMENT, while distributing tickets for the forthcoming election.

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“LABOR PAIN OF ERADICATING CHILD LABOR”

 

“LABOR PAIN OF ERADICATING CHILD LABOR” ……yet another classic satire by Qaisar N.K.Jani !!

 

Today is June 12, which is celebrated as” World Day against Child Labor”.

 

Various forums, both at government & non-government level, are celebrating this important day, in their own way worldwide, to create awareness about the issue.

 

As a satirist, I participate in all such meaningful campaign, in my own way.

 

Reproducing below, a satire, picked from my weekly column “Off the Record”, published in “The Times of India”, in mid nineties.

 

Hope, you would enjoy the story and would do your best possible , to eradicate child labor.

 

My current trip to the state capital was absolutely disgusting. All my appointments with the central government officials, fixed for Friday, got cancelled, because of the sad demise of the Punjab Chief Minister. Newspapers, all over, carried stories of this inhuman act.

The other major event, which the media tried to highlight, was the “Women’s Conference” in Beijing.

The way “Women’s Conference” was being highlighted by the media; it was giving sleepless nights to the aggrieved husbands all over the world. Husbands were found discussing the agenda of the conference & were expecting further mental tortures by their wives, after the resolutions were passed. The only silver lining and the ray of hope was that ,it was next to impossible for 40,000 strong women crowd agreeing on any issue, whatsoever, even if it was beneficial to all of them.

On Saturday, I got an invitation from a politician friend of mine to attend a workshop on the problems of child labor, to be held at Vidhan Sabha annexes, on Sunday.

I accepted the invitation for the two reasons. Firstly, the subject was sounding quite relevant with our cultural set up and secondly, expected presence of the Chief Minister Mr. Laloo Prasad Yadav in the conference, whom I like for his wittiness. And, as a satirist myself, I consider him as the best satirist of the time. His satires are spontaneous and easy to understand.

I went to the venue on time and was delighted to see a strong gathering, packed to full capacity of the house, anxiously awaiting the discussion on this sensitive issue. Host of speakers, including politicians, academicians, social workers legal experts, spoke about the problem and useful suggestions on the eradication of child labor.

The atmosphere was surcharged with emotions. Speakers after speakers delivered highly charged speeches, with frequent movements of fists. All of us sitting in the audience ,were thinking about the role, that we have to play ,in highlighting this problem and in creating awareness amongst the people. Some of us were thinking in terms of boycotting the products manufactured by units employing child labor.

Then came the turn of the Chief Minister to speak…

As usual, he started on a serious note and went to the extent of saying that the laws against the child labor, are not being implemented, due to the lack of will, initiative and co-operation of the people. And eradication will be possible only when, we would like it to happen.

 Conviction, more than legislation is needed to uproot the menace..

He pointed out that in Singapore, the rules are followed by the people in the right earnest. He quoted further that, there is no parallel between the situation in India and that in Singapore, where if someone does not flush the toilet after use, is punished, in order to keep the environment clean.

Mr. Yadav, was probably right in his observations. The other day I went to meet a friend of mine in one of the government offices in Patna. It was  a nauseating experience, finding the employees spitting the betel juice on the corner of the stair case and  stinking water over flowing, into the corridors from the urinals.

Mr. Yadav, in his usual wit said that if we want to eradicate the abuse of the child labor by the factory owners, we must, first of all, set our own house right, because “CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME ”. He gave a call to all the people sitting in the conference that, before they would go back home, they should take a vow that they will not allow, any child in their kitchen and no “massage” by the child labor, when they reach home, tired after delivering the lecture on eradication of “CHILD LABOUR”.

Although, his observation and suggestion made the gathering laugh for a while, but soon after, a grim was noticed on most of the faces, fearing consequences, if they would implement these social reforms in their house.

 The grim writ large on all the faces. They looked so disturbed, as if, they were suffering from “LABOR PAIN”.

Lest the article becomes too serious, let me change the gear. I am reminded of a funny story. There was a women conference, like the one mentioned earlier. The women, as usual, had lots of grudges against the husbands and the speakers were all out to settle the scores. While discussing the disparity shown to the women by the nature, one of them came up with an idea that they should approach the Almighty to make certain amendments.

Accordingly, a sub- committee was formed and an appointment with the Almighty was fixed. Their plea was that it is the mother, who carries the off springs for full nine months, during which she has to face lots of problems and the father gets away with the credit, without any physical torture. Hence, there should be compromise somewhere, with regard to sharing the torture. They requested the Almighty for a minor change and the idea was to let the father undergo the trauma of the labor pain, while the mother would be delivering the baby.

The Almighty agreed and the lady, who was to deliver the baby two weeks after, was made the secretary of the sub-committee. After, two weeks, on the D-day, all the women assembled in one room to celebrate their victory. In the adjoining room, there was an equal strong crowd of aggrieved husbands, consoling the present incumbent of the torture cell.

The lady doctor was contacted and the car was sent to bring her to this memorable place. After an hour, the lady, delivered a baby girl,without any labor pain. The scene in the adjoining room also, was no less jubilant as the husband also didn’t feel any sort of pain.

Shortly after, the lady doctor rang up, enquired about the condition of the patient and apologized for she couldn’t come, because the DRIVER of the car who went to bring her, was lying in her clinic in severe PAIN. Next day, the sub-committee members went back to God and requested to revoke the change.

Tail piece: To set your mood right, for the next post, reproducing a few lines by the famous Hasya Kavi, Hullar Muradanadi:

नेता  भाषण देकर  आया , आकर नौकर पर घुर्राया

मैं आया हूँ  थका थकाया , पैर दबाओ राम लुभाया

राम लुभाया बोला मालिक, एक पते की  बात बता दूँ

भाषण से तो गला थका है , आप कहें तो गला दबा दूँ

(Wish all child labors are as smart as Ram Lubhaya !!!!  )

 

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